How to Help Your Elderly Parent at Home: A Personal Insight and Practical Guide

As children, helping our elderly parents at home is an essential aspect of familial support and care. The ways in which we can assist differ based on various factors, including the age and specific needs of our parents. Here, we will explore some generalized points and specific actions, tailored to both mothers and fathers, to help them stay healthy and secure in their home environment.

Assisting Your Mother at Home

Tend to the Kitchen and Laundry: Offer to help your mother by doing the dishes, staying in the kitchen to provide company, or assisting with basic chores such as cleaning the kitchen space, cutting vegetables, or even just being there with her. Spending time with your mother can be incredibly beneficial for both of you, even if she doesn't need extensive help with household tasks.

Stay Engaged and Active: Encourage your mother to maintain a healthy lifestyle by suggesting walks or other light exercises. If she enjoys cooking or gardening, offer to help her with those activities. Engaging in these activities can also help her stay mentally alert and physically active.

Assisting Your Father at Home

Help with Gardening: If your father enjoys gardening, help him in his garden. Show genuine interest and involve yourself in the process. This can be both enjoyable for both of you and beneficial for your father's overall health.

Encourage Healthy Living: Like your mother, advise your father to follow a healthy lifestyle. This can include regular walks or other light exercises. Mentor him to maintain a nutritious diet and ensure he stays close to your support network.

A Personal Story: Bridging Generational Care Gaps

Context: I am in my seventies and have taken care of a Down's syndrome son who is now in his late forties. He is not high functioning, incontinent, and nonverbal. We had group home registration in place but I was hesitant about the idea. My son and his wife were planning a cross-country move to the Oregon coast, and they asked if I would move with them so they could help as I aged and my son required more care. This was a tremendously touching request, and it brought me to tears just writing about it.

My Background: Despite my reservations, I am still in good health, have a paid-for home, and a stable retirement. I don't necessarily need assistance right now, but caring for my son and a large four-bedroom house became increasingly challenging. There have been adjustments, but I remain independent most of the time. They have their methods and habits, but it has been working. The move was difficult for all of us, but we made it. The benefits to everyone include a significant leveraging of home equity for a down payment, setting aside their own savings for repairs and emergencies, and ensuring that our equity won't end up in nursing homes. It is building some security for those willing to take on the burdens.

Conclusion: Each family's circumstances are unique, so it is crucial to communicate openly about needs and desires. Mowing the lawn was a huge burden on me, taking three days to complete it. Your parents may have simple things they are neglecting. Share your concerns honestly, even if you cannot check on them daily. You can help with grocery shopping, or perhaps build a cottage in the garage. There are solutions, but you need to pursue them. Bring a couple of meals a week. Take over some maintenance tasks. I was still climbing on roofs and ladders until my son "ordered" me to stay off them after a bad fall. I promised to do anything required, which was more important than my pride. Gather the family and divide the chores.